I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
