Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
