It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
