You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
being pregnant is like rehab
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
