She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
