Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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