she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i think i just lost a toe
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
