You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
