Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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