My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
