Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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