so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
