i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal