He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard