its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.