I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
