We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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