i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
