i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize