I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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