there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
