don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
