so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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