i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Someone came in the potted fern
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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