She announced her abortion via fbk
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
