FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
