I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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