Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
