he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
