you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
