I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
