sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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