those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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