I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
