i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i already hear my dad disowning me
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
false alarm. still invincible.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
