My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Fuck appropriateness.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
