kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
