Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
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Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
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Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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