I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
