were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
