So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
