Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
