I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
