I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
