Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
