if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
