there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
All I want is dick and wine.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My life is pants optional.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
