wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i was born a porn star she said
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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