I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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