That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
