Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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