glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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