We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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