There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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