I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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