She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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