I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
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Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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