Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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