Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
