I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
