we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
