Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
