i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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