Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
