found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
