I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
