So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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