You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
