i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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