those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize