I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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