Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
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He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
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I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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