I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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