i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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